I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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