i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
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I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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