the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize