i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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