Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
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Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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