dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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