things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize