also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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