you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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