i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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