Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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