Already got asked if we're dating
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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