you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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