after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize