everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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