sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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