FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Let's get the cat blown out
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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