I haven't been this sober since birth.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize