Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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