Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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