You can't special order awesome
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Terrible idea I love it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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