Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize