I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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