capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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