this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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