So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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