does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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