I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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