you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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