Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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