tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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