I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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