Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Send help, water and tortillas.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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