Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need water and some morals
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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