I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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