Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize