I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize