Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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