I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize