watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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