Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize