I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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