note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize