I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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