If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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