I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize