I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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