that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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