she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
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I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
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Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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