2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize