why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize