The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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