just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
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I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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